Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
