After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i think i just lost a toe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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