so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
