Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
