So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
