I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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