i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
