What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
