Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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