96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
