I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
