i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
