I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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