wrigley field is MILF paradise
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
