What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
