So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just pee around me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
