Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
