I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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