So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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