Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
