my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
