i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
