I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
