somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
