It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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