I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
