What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
