i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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