shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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