You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
