you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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