Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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