you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
