There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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