I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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