Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
