you didnt know i had herpes?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
