We won't sleep together?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
