Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize