Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
