just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
