i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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