if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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