Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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