Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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