I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
