someone get that fucking seahorse.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
