As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
