i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
