p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize