9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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