Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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