The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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