wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
