I need help removing her.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
