Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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