she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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