Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
