She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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