I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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