Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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