At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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