What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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