Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
