I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
