Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
