I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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