Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
