I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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