Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
