can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
