she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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