Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
