i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
