he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize