somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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