remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
