her vagine was all disorganized.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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