That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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