i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
