susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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