the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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