im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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