just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
