We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
