I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
handjob tips. give me some.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
