By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
