Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
